I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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