mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
