My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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