last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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