I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Boobs are out for the taking
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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