My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
