But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
