We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
