you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
