i just had sex bonerless
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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