The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
