there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
