Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
