A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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