Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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