Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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