Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
