I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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