No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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