Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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