At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
