so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
