Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
