I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
