I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
