i think i have herpe
just one?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
