Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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