Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.

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(564): View more from Washington

I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.

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(281): View more from Texas

The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

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(213): View more from California

You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.

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(419): View more from Ohio

It was like getting head from an anaconda

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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?

(410): View more from Maryland

are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am

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