Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need mimosas to revive my soul
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
