don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
