So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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