Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
