Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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