The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
