Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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