The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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