well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
