I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
