dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
