dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
