Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
