Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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