I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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