i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
