every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
