she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
