Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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