I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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