I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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