dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
